Three Ways to Practice Self Compassion

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Having compassion is a character trait most say they want. Most equate having compassion for others as part of being a good person, and yet, how often do we talk about and encourage self-compassion? If we think compassion is important, why wouldn't we want to act compassionately toward ourselves as well?

Compassion, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is a sympathetic consciousness of another's distress coupled with a desire to alleviate that distress. It is both a feeling and an action or desire to help. This implies then that self-compassion is feeling the emotion of sympathy toward one's own situation coupled with a desire to help and act in one's own best interest - a desire to help yourself out of your suffering. This does not mean that we do not need other's help, but it does mean that we have the power to apply compassion, sympathy and works, toward ourselves.

Why do this? There is a fallacy of sorts that if we suffer but help others out of their suffering, we are some kind of a saint. However, there is no reason to deny ourselves care and compassion. In fact, not acting with self-compassion could potentially affect your mental health and your relationships.

Below are three ways to start acting compassionately toward yourself:

Validate Your Own Suffering

This means to name the situation your are going through and how it affects you, without making yourself a victim or minimizing your suffering.

First, be self-aware enough to know what is affecting you, without blaming others for causing your suffering or your mood. This can be tricky, but it is very important to practice. The reason is because if you name your suffering by blaming the driver in front of you or your boss, or whomever, you give away your power to change your suffering with your actions, the second half of self-compassion.

Second, fully feel your emotions (ie "feel it to heal it"). We normalize pushing down our emotions, minimizing their affect with words, or numbing them with alcohol or other agents. Feeling negative emotions help them dissipate. It does not always seem like leaning into your emotions will make them go away, but this is the path to lessening them. Also, if you do not feel your negative emotions deeply, you also do not feel your positive emotions fully. You numb those too.

Common Humanity (acceptance and belonging with others)

Be present with yourself in a non-judgmental way. In other words, be self aware, and acknowledge that you are also human, just like everyone else. Accept that you also suffer and need compassion. You are neither super human and can "do it all", nor are you less than anyone else. You deserve acceptance and to feel you belong, but that starts with you choosing and accepting you.

Mindfulness

Being in the moment and present with yourself involves decreasing your avoidance of situations and other things that cause an increase in your arousal symptoms while increasing your ability to cope with stressful situations. It might seem like having self-compassion means, you let yourself avoid things that make you uncomfortable, but really that is not self-compassion. That is honestly an immature emotional response that can get reinforced over and over, until you cannot tolerate a lot of things that life has to offer.

In this simple blog, I hope there is enough information to get you thinking about how compassionate you are (or are not) with yourself. I hope you start with the three simple steps today.

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If you want more information or just want to talk, reach out support@thecenterofloveandacceptance.org